(diss)pleasure

Looking after my own pleasure is, ultimately, a fruitless endeavor.

To respect is to regard, consider;
to take notice of, to look, to heed,
to reflect on, to look at closely, to dwell upon.
Disrespect bears either no, or negative, regard or consideration.

Inevitably, when I aim to please myself,
I disrespect You..
don't pay a second thought to what's best for you.
And what good could ever come of that?

You're always looking out for my best, and providing it.

To know You is surely to want to please You.
Please, help me know You, God.


I guess one good thing about this discouragement over my lack of understanding
is that You've given to me to desire to understand and love in the first place.


Your glory shines a Holy light 
That leads my heart to praise, 
Your Holy name is on my lips

What I love

is smiles and laughter,
enjoying life and
being together.

Words will never be self-sufficient.

This day has lost its morning novelty but
hallelujah,
You're still here.

"That bird can sing."
"So can you."

foolish

To have God's Word and not read it
is no better off than to not have it at all.

Love God and Do as You Please

- Get off the computer.
- Make yourself some nice coffee.  Pour it into a nice mug.  Smelll it.  Sip it.
- Write that letter.
- Process those thoughts.
- Think about where you are now, what you're here for, how your presence can affect some kind of significant good.  (Namely, God's glory.)
- Do you even remember in your heart what God's glory is?  Why it is?  Truly?  May need some refreshing.
How is it possible to know something so well cognitively and yet feel starved from its tangible reality in my heart? What bridges the two?  Is it experience?  How, in my life, can I participate in God's glory right now?

Please wake my heart up, God.  Its gotten a little slow.

_________________________________________


Just as I wrote this last sentence and closed my eyes to think, there was a knock on my door.  Not the girls' side entrance, but the door into my little studio, where I sleep, where I eat, where I restroom -- intimate quarters.

It was Lucy, a woman who, with her husband, often visits the mission now that they're back long-term from their ministry in Mexico.  She is an encourager and the prayers she prays for me and the girls are like spot-on redemptive adaptations of the condemning sentences my own heart often utters, with Scripture that could in no way be more appropriate for the given heartstance.

I realized through this experience today that there's a hope for every heartache, and one bright, shining source for that hope.  Feels good to feel Him, to receive His love like that.

_________________________________________


On her second-to-last visit she gave me a journal (how did she know?!) and while I'm one for simple sights, this one has a verse on the front that makes its way into my eyes and mind every time any writing session comes to a close.  Couldn't have been more epitomized for me than what just transpired:

"Ask and it shall be given to you."
Matthew 7:7


God is good.

Notes to self, 2.

The social unacceptability of geeky nighttime apparel can generally find its redemption in similarly afflicted eye wear.